The One With Dishy Mr Morgan

Off the back of their first defeat of the season, Stockport 3's were back in action at home against Wythenshawe which was remarkable in itself given the biblical rainfall that had been experienced in the 12 hours prior to the game with sightings reported of Noah's ark (yes I was there the first time he set sail). Stockport gave a debut to back row Isaac Wall as well as seeing brothers George & Ben Perry take the field with Ben Unwin taking his place on the flank. A late change saw Tommy Kirkham off the bench to start at 12 after Craig Lee had injured himself looking at a kettle bell (but could seemingly push a pram)????

The game was played with a strong wind blowing directly up the pitch so having won the toss, the home side decided to play uphill but with the wind in the first half. A strong physical start was demanded by skipper Keith Warhurst and this seemed to have been heeded as several players put themselves about, clearly up for the fight. The game was predominantly played in the Wythenshawe half and it wasn't long before the scoring was opened by full back Ben Perry and this was soon doubled when second row Chris 'Doggy' Dodd thundered over from a ruck, with the conversion tagged on by the schoolgirl's favourite, dishy fly half Rick Morgan. Apparently (and I have this on good authority from a friend who's daughter attends Bramhall High) that Mr Morgan is a much sought after teacher with him seemingly being compared to Indiana Jones, minus the bull whip and fedora but with his trusty Doc Martens. What also needs to be mentioned at this point was that the try from Dodd was created by the best rucking Stockport RUFC has ever seen from Warhurst and grand master centre Aaron 'Checkmate' Hussain who both blasted away the Wythenshawe front row all on their own (well that's how we remembered it in the changing room afterwards). The scoring sequence from here may get a little hazy as I was actually trying to concentrate on playing whereas the millions of WhatsApp keyboard warriors who were watching couldn't be bothered assisting me with the scorers so if you scored and I missed you, sorry!!! I do however remember that Tom 'USA' Rushton had now gone off for his usual breather cos he'd played for his allocated 10 minutes to be replaced by Elliot Lee.

There were now some monster hits being put in, most notably by the back row unit of Galloway, Unwin and Nathan Jackson and this was making it difficult for the visitors to get a foothold into the game. Next on the scoresheet was wing Duncan Hedar.................oh no standby he didn't bother grounding the ball having done all the hard work but meanwhile on the opposite side (and not to be outdone by his little brother) wing George Perry scuttled along the touchline and dotted down in the corner pushing the lead out to 17-0. This soon became 24-0 as from a scrum, a well worked move saw No.8 Elliot Galloway break off and make a perfectly timed pass to Warhurst who in turn waited for Hussain to cut through like the proverbial knife and butter (great line Aaron) and he dotted down under the posts which was converted by our intrepid archaeologist. With Rouban's mum now in attendance, he was made to thank me as well as Aaron and Ell for the score (begrudgingly great pass Keith). As the half drew to a close, a sequence of penalties and mistakes gave the visitors something to work towards and a series of missed tackles allowed them to registered a score which was converted taking both teams into half time at 24-7.

The half time talk centred around defence and not allowing Wythenshawe to get back into the game whilst the only substitution saw Jenkin 'Argumentative' Whittaker into the second row replacing Graham Rushton. The game restarted with the visitors attacking and now playing with the wind and this gave them the first score as they registered a penalty kick to drag it back to 24-10. A contender for What Happened Next then came along as having drilled the ball into the corner, the Wythenshawe player was tackled into touch at which Hussain regained the ball and took a quick line out to Whittaker (which would have been quicker had Whittaker been playing attention) who ran the half of the pitch to score, with all the Wythenshawe players complaining to the ref however as Hussain pointed out, "you're playing chequers lads and I'm playing chess!!" Indiana's conversion made it 31-10 however Wythenshawe still refused to go away and were soon over for their 2nd converted try making it 31-17 but by now the home side had introduced Wall who in turn introduced himself to the opposition as he basically ran into them, over them and straight through them before popping the ball to the supporting Whittaker to record his second try of the half. There was then a perfect training montage by skipper Warhurst of how to and how not to tackle as he firstly decapitated a player (he was falling ref) and then made a textbook hit on the Wythenshawe winger which resulted in him knocking on then leaving the field. Having been warned twice for high shots (both times they were falling) his next act was to see the visiting No.9 make a break and go for a chip and chase. With the turning circle of an oil tanker, Warhurst accidentally managed to block the path of the chasing Wythenshawe player however (and as I explained to the ref) I simply didn't see him!!!!!

Substitutions were now in full flow as back rows Henry Carolan and Daniel 'Speedbump' Cockersmith entered the fray along with wing Elliot Smith and scrum half Rich Grainger which saw Warhurst replace the injured Hedar in the centres. The game by now had broken down and to say it was scrappy was an understatement however there was still enough time for Wythenshawe to record a 3rd unconverted try and even more time for Ben Perry to complete a hat trick (I can't afford a jug I'm a student) with a quick double to add his his first half score. I'm convinced there may have been another 2nd half try scorer however as previously alluded to, I can't remember who it may have been so apologies. Having scored what was the final try, Indiana Morgan forsook the kicking tee only to see his drop-goaled conversion attempt strike the upright however that was the final whistle leaving the score at 53-22 to Stockport.

MOTM was deservedly given to Nathan Jackson for another 'perpetually in motion' performance whilst DOTD WAS going to go to someone else......that was until this intrepid reporter was given a scoop by one of his snitches!!! It transpired that Jenkin 'I Can Argue In An Empty Phonebox' Whittaker had just been dumped by his girlfriend her the reason she gave.............he's just so argumentative!!!!