The One Where Elliot Went For A Walk

Stockport 3's SHOULD have been back in league action however opponents Didsbury Toc H had to concede the fixture due to matters outside of their control but still travelled to Headlands Road for a friendly match up. The 3's had several regular players missing, ordinarily due to injury (or alleged injuries) however in-form standout No.8 Elliot Galloway decided to bin the lads in favour of a walking weekend away with the missus, this hot on the heels of missing training for Valentine's Day so there is clearly a pattern forming here with the thumbprint looming large, even before marriage. The 3's did however welcome back fly half Rick Morgan from injury, lock Tom Mounkley who actually had a weekend off work and Aaron Hussain fresh from having to actually work for a whole nightshift (he was heard asking Mounkley "how do you actually work all shift all of the time?") There were 3rd XV debuts for ex-Stockport Colt Will Morris as well as current Colts Harry Langtree, Marcus Jarega and Nathan Forbes along with replacement No.8 Johnny 'Bravo' Mason. However none of this could prepare us for the sight of club legend Dan 'Woooooo' Eccles striding casually into the changing rooms in a pair of Reebok Pump basketball shoes that looked older than me....that stylin, profling, limousine riding, jet flying, kiss stealing, wheelin & dealing son of a gun....woooooo!

The pre-match briefing from the ref was 'cultural' to say the least and having highlighted all of his own personal and physical deficiencies, it was then left to that cunning linguist Hussain to assist with the post-ref briefing with his spin on things. The game was played on an absolute mud bath of a pitch which was akin to running in quicksand however the only thing quicker was the start made by Stockport followed by the pinpoint cross field kick from Morgan which found full back Gaz Thomas in acres of space and after a quick juggle he crossed the line for the first unconverted score. Didsbury then roared back helped in no small part by a Stockport penalty and backchat conceding a further 10 yards and eventually the away side forced themselves over for an unconverted try of their own. It was made clear in no uncertain terms by coach Rouban Birch that the intensity in defence was lacking and if it didn't improve, changes were going to be made however there was nothing wrong with the attack and midfield dents, lead by Mason allowed the ball to be spun wide into the grateful arms of centre Hussain who was over for the first of his 2 first half tries which was converted by Thomas. Another raking kick from Morgan was pursued by a number of players however Hussain was first to the ball and some excellent footballing skills saw him dribble over the line and ground for another converted try. There was then an interruption in play as the Didsbury legend that is Simon the Surgeon decided to try and perform an in-game vasectomy on recent new father and skipper Jim Finnigan which resulted in a a bit of an exchange. No sooner had that calmed down, Simon was seeing yellow for leading with an elbow and you tend to ask why someone who's sole objective is to spoil the game and needle opponents wears a bright yellow scrum hat to assist the ref with identification?? With the away side reduced to 14 men, more forward power led to the home side laying siege to the Didsbury line which saw Mason pop the ball to lock Chris 'Doggy' Dodd who showed a soft shoe shuffle to score the 4th try which was converted by Thomas giving the home side a 24-5 advantage at the break.

With a raft of changes being made and the home side emptying their bench, Stockport started the 2nd half with an early yellow card for Hussain having been deemed to have committed a high tackle so it was the home side's turn to play with 14 however with the scrums now being uncontested ("is this one uncontested as well DC?") this made no change to the forward offensive situation and now it was Mason's turn to crash over taking most of the Didsbury team with him for a Thomas converted try and it was now 31-5. With the game now completely broken up, the ball was being thrown about from everywhere and great hands on 2 different occasions saw wing Max Bailey register 2 second half tries as well as a debut try from back row Marcus Jarega with 2 of the 3 converted by Thomas leaving the final score at 50-5.

Lots of mentions including impressive efforts from everyone on the bench including Daniel Cockersmith who was still steaming from the night before and still saying "well done, well done" to everyone who did anything remotely positive.

Now onto the awards and its fair to say there were a number of things that could have been commented on this report however for the fear of any libel action and heeding the warnings of several spectators it was decided to save myself a load of mither and stick to the safe stuff (see Mrs McCaughey I do listen occasionally)!!

Honourable mentions to No.8 Johnny Mason (despite the fact he has no idea how to clean himself but his Johnny Bravo quiff looked good post-game) who repeatedly carried and tackled all day. The young contingent of Messrs Forbes, Langtree, Jarega and Dan Spencer as well as the returning Morris all added impact to the performance as well as great performances from wing Elliot Smith and flanker Ben Unwin.

Now Hussain on his return was a contender for MOTM with his 2 tries and relentless defence however rules are rules and that means he is given DOTD after his yellow card.

This leaves MOTM to consider and any of the aforementioned would have been worthy recipients however having not played for 4 weeks, it was a game changer to actually have a playmaker who can control and kick which he did with aplomb (probably cos Jenny was watching) so with that this weeks MOTM is fly half Rick Morgan