The One Where Lawrence Smashed The All Stars

Prior to the 3's hosting Trafford Metrovick at Headlands Road, a number of the squad attended to help out with the Stockport All Stars however some didn't seem the grasp the spirit of the situation which saw Lawrence Hiney smashing his way through the team like a bowling ball, handing off and sprinting for the line whilst also passing on some pearls of wisdom the ref's daughter. At one point the ref (me) threatened to brandish a yellow card to which the ref's daughter (mine) replied, "Chill out Jerry"!! After such a great morning, the players decamped for an exquisite pre-game breakfast fuelling themselves for what lay in store in the afternoon.

On to the game and expectations were high having been informed that the opposition were bringing 22 players after everyone has surprisingly made themselves available to take a crack at the league's form side. With a number of players unavailable and star centre Jason 'Judas' Holmwood showing Kirky how good he really is, the 3's were forced into a number of changes which saw Dan Eccles start in the No.8 shirt, Rick Morgan move into the 10 shirt whilst ex-Colts Tommy Kirkham and Ben Perry took the 12 and 15 shirts. 4's stand out player Conor Osbiston was handed his first 3's start of the season on the wing and the team was once again led by hooker James (as he now likes to be called according to his phone) Finnigan.

Now the 3's seemed to have developed a penchant for fast starts and after a series of forays into the opposition 22, centre Aaron Hussain found himself at the back of the ruck (you're a back, what you doing there) and dived over in the blind side corner to record the first score of the game. The home side have also developed a skill for resting on their laurels after scoring so early and this combined with a number of offside penalties conceded saw the visitors force their way over for an unconverted score levelling it up at 5-5. Stung by this setback, Stockport went back onto the attack and a blistering near length of the field break from flanker Nathan Jackson saw him hauled down short of the line however quickly recycled ball saw lock Chris Dodd 'sniff' out the try line for a try converted by Morgan for a 12-5 lead. Further punishing carries from props Jack Booth and Llewellyn Coveney-Winter were backed up by the work rate of stalwart Eccles and this gave Booth the opportunity to demonstrate his upper body strength and force his way over for an unconverted try pushing the lead out to 19-5. Again the visitors refused to lie down and literally forced their way back into the game with some lacklustre defending from the home side for a converted try making it 19-12 however Stockport's forward dominance in the set piece saw skipper Finnigan at the bottom of a rolling maul to score the 4th Stockport try of the half, converted by Morgan taking the lead to 24-12. With the half drawing to a close, Finnigan blotted his copybook and paid the price for several team infringement by seeing yellow, as he peered hopefully up at the ref like Puss In Boots from Shrek however this was unrewarded and his 10 minute rest gave a 3's debut to Olly Hancock (more on him later). The half time whistle was soon blown with Stockport leading 24-12.

The half time talk was simple, keep doing what we are doing and stop conceding stupid penalties which we didn't need to do and so started the second half with the home side assisted by a strong wind.

With the opposition now tiring, Stockport went up a gear with the ever reliable lock Mel McCaughey like a leaping salmon at every restart plucking the ball out of the air like an Irish Maro Itoje whilst his coaching counterpart Eccles was carrying and finding holes everywhere. Quick turnover ball saw it shipped into midfield where Hussain threw his now trademark 'around the world' dummy before setting off through the heart of the team to score the team's 5th try duly converted by Morgan to take it to 31-12 and life was good................until Hancock was deemed to have responding to a reffing decision with the obligatory "fuck off" and this saw him having a 10 minute rest meaning the reintroduction of Finnigan which was enjoying his move upstairs to DoR. MOTM Jackson then got in on the act forcing his way over from close range moving the scoreboard along to 38-12, and he could have added a second shortly afterwards however a combination of his hands and being surprised not to see the Morgan Snakehips dummy saw him drop the ball with the line begging (counting his lucky stars there had been 2 yellow cards)!!

Eccles was then deservedly rewarded for his afternoon efforts as he picked a lovely line off the ruck to crash over for another converted Morgan try meaning the game as a contest was now effectively over at 45-12. This saw the introduction of Craig Lee who was not only returning from injury but looking for any reason to escape the house after the birth of his child and he made an instant impact as he smashed through a tired defence to score the team's 7th try of the afternoon and yes you've guessed it, converted by the ever reliable Morgan who for the 3rd week on the bounce gave another kicking masterclass both out of hand and off the tee. With the game now petering out to a close, Stockport had the put in to a scrum practically underneath their own posts from which that man Eccles set off from the base to spark another attack. Now some watching said its the first pass he had given in his career and despite it being easier to give it before the defender, he opted to take the man on and pass round the back to supporting scrum half Keith Warhurst who carried on the move before linking with his half back moaner, sorry partner Morgan who realised there was quite a distance to go and fed it on to the much younger, much fitter and much faster Lee who blazed over the turf to record the final score of the game, duly converted by the evergreen Morgan which brought the final whistle and a 59-12 score line.

A great performance from the lads however always with much to work on especially around keeping on the right side of the ref (you are putting words into my mouth now)!!!!!

DOTD would have gone to skipper Finnigan however he was seen leaving the field after a head knock like a drunken child and was so disorientated he even allowed his Mrs to drive him to Wales. Given he was one of two yellows it was left to debutant Hancock to take the spoils.

A number of shouts for MOTM including the dynamic U14 coaching duo of Messrs McCaughey and Eccles as well as the ageing Jonny Wilkinson himself, Rick Morgan. The forwards put in an absolute shift and were ably supported by the maverick dynamo and 2-try hero that is Aaron Hussain however the MOTM award went to the perpetually tackling and never missing Nathan Jackson.