I now know why my son only got a 6 in History

Stockport third XV like most teams have suffered a torrid time since the post covid return to rugby. Two weeks after having to concede a game without being able to raise a side, a call to arms went out to the Headlands Road faithful that the mighty 3’s were indeed at a crossroads if they failed to fulfil their upcoming fixtures, the highlight of which was todays Cup game v Didsbury Toc H.

The call to arms reached as far as the Stockport Club exec where committee members Eccles, Wroe & Gurney all talked the talk with all three agreeing to play only for all three not to take the field. Answers on a postcard please lads?

Come Thursday though the club drums were beating to a different sound with the news that a big name was ready to take the field for the mighty 3’s, yes Richard Sackville-West was playing!

There was also talk of the chief execs son in law Dean Schofield turning out but all the pre match talk was about Westy. Would he? Wouldn’t he?

The 3’s gathered at Ford Lane to be met by what can only be described as “not Toc’s third team” if that’s the third team I’d hate to see the second team only I was already probably looking at them!

Today though was not the day to get out ringered by the opposition so we went on the front foot and out ringered them! With a cast of thousands turning out for the Port stand in skipper Dom Waterhouse-Kern went from being the best player in the previous game to not being able to make the starting line up in the current one!

There was plenty of interest from the bookies buoyed by the news of Stockports Galictico lineup with 7-2 bet being Westy scoring a first half hattrick followed by a red card and ravishing one of the bar staff in the car park before leaving the scene without having a pint and being back in bed before the final whistle!

With 10 minutes left to kick off the backs were out on the field working out how often they would drop the ball but the starting pack had already realised Langers couldn’t lift Schoey on his own so it was left to Schoey and Langers to become the lifters in what can only be described as dwarf tossing contest at the lineout.

The game started positively for Port with a great break down the right seeing Phil Brown register an early score to soothe any Stockport nerves with an excellent conversion coming from fullback and my sons history teacher Rick Morgan getting Stockport off to the perfect start.
This was quickly followed up with a poachers try from James Singleton Toc 0-Port 14.

Midway through the half great interplay in the backs released Rick Morgan into space where he completely butchered a nailed on two on one with a badly misplaced display of confidence which confirmed to me why my son only got a 6 in history!

The next score came after Matt Langtree stole the ball at lineout that saw ball moved wide to Jake Taylor for another fine score converted by my sons history teacher.

The game was now starting to open up with our hero Westy, shorn of the Eaton-Mantell shackles as he started to rampage around the field displaying every rugby attribute there is apart from the main one, passing!

Also growing into the game was second row Matt Langtree once voted the hardest man in Stockport which is quite amazing when he isn’t even the hardest person in his own house, Matt comes in at two and son Harry at three, I’ll let you work out who comes in at number one in that particular batting order.

With the platform set by the pack, the backs were now starting to make hay and it came as no surprise when Port registered the forth try of the half to seal the game before half time.

The introduction of Zak Walsh in to the back row saw Port register an early second half try after a brilliant crossfield kick from Rick Morgan was fielded on the run by Zak to register a fifth try.

With the game in the bag skipper Waterhouse-Kern rang the changes and brought some … genuine third teamers on!

Unfortunately though the ref immediately objected to Dom punching above his weight on the WAG front and rightly yellow carded him much to the relief of the Port lads. With Dom off the field the leadership role reverted to young Dean Schofield who at just 42 was playing in the oldest team he’d ever played in leaving him and Zak as the youth policy. Despite the pressure young Schoey did well and revelled in his role as Westy’s support act!

Midway through the half the forward battle turned south after the subtle introduction at the scrum of a large chocolate éclair by the home side that saw Port Tighthead Jo Wooding murder his opposite number who’d gotten a paw to the éclair first which resulted in both fat lads leaving the field and the contest degenerate into uncontested scrums.

With scrum dominance lost, the home side now had a platform with which to release their second... I mean third team backline and it came as no surprise when Toc managed two second half tries to end what was an excellent game of rugby viewed by the biggest crowd at a second/third team game in years.

All in all a great day for the 3’s and onwards in to the next round of the cup. Post match the rumours were that Schoey was opening up his little black book and there maybe a phalanx of signings in the offing!